. (kiss_mybutt) wrote,

the feeling of loss

I'm lucky my parents, however Asian, have never seriously compared me to my cousins. (I would never match up.) I'm lacking experience in so many situations that they can so flawlessly handle as if it's second nature (which it probably is). I think what I'm lacking in most, however, is their confidence. I don't feel like I even belong in some of these said situations, which does nothing for how I end up coping with them.

This is not the train of thought I wanted this entry to enter. It may be the residual effects of last night's dream. My grandma was still here, but even in the dream as I was hugging her, I knew that she wasn't going to be there very much longer. I opened my mouth to tell her that I loved her, that I missed her, but I couldn't form any words to speak. I woke up crying. She would have loved to be there on Saturday, and I really wish we could see her again.
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